My heart groaned with discouragement, desperation, and mental exhaustion. My soul felt shattered. I cried out like a child to her father, overwhelmed by anger and the feeling of being abandoned. Yet, the Father, in His unwavering love, still listened to His broken daughter.
“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?Why are You so far from helping Me,And from the words of My groaning?O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear;And in the night season, and am not silent.”
Psalm 22:1-2, NKJV
The first month of 2024, my son found the courage to talk to me about something that shattered my heart. I didn’t know how to think or feel—except for one thing—I couldn’t believe it had happened.
For months, we wrestled with our emotions, trying to piece everything back together. I struggled deeply with my own feelings, but I knew I had to face my battles to help him with his.
We were both angry, crying almost daily, and on the verge of giving up. Nobody truly understood how real and painful it was. I confided bits and pieces of our journey to a few trusted friends, but the daily struggle felt endless.
Then one day, I gave it all back to God. I got into my car, locked the door, and poured out my heart. Screamed to Him, “God, I’ve tried my best to stay with You no matter what. I can’t live without You. Although I’ve fallen short, I’ve striven for faithfulness. I stayed. I served You because You promised never to leave or forsake Your children. But why? Why did You let this happen again? Why did You let the enemy crush me and my son so hard? Why does it seem like those who don’t even serve You have easier lives? You said You’d never leave me!” And kept crying.
I wept uncontrollably in the car, crying out to God in desperation.
That moment marked the turning point. It was the last time my son, and I were in such a dark place, emotionally and mentally. I felt like chains—chains of depressive thoughts, hurtful words (spoken not out of hatred but out of pain), and the weight of shame and anger from a shattering event—had broken. Something changed that day. A new strength rose within us.
How to Break a Chain of Darkness
Breaking a stronghold requires the power of God’s promises and a raw, authentic lament before Him.
I thought stepping into 2024 would bring a fresh start, especially after moving into a nicer, more spacious place. But by the end of January, news that tore through my heart with disbelief and anger shook my world. My mind went blank as I listened to the words coming from my son’s mouth.
In that moment, memories from years ago flooded back—everything from when he was just seven years old and his behavior changed. I had spent years asking God, Why? So many unanswered questions. Finally, the answer became apparent.
But it didn’t stop there. The journey was far from over. My son and I began wrestling with our emotions, trying to cope with the broken pieces of our hearts. I knew I had to be strong—for him. I had to show him that healing was possible, and that there was hope beyond the pain of the past.
But the enemy wasn’t about to let that happen without a fight. He saw what I was trying to do and worked relentlessly to break me down. Exhaustion consumed me—emotionally, physically, and mentally. My hair began to thin and fall out, and my head constantly felt like it was burning with stress. Fear gripped me as I worried that something terrible might happen to me. I am grateful I have found some organic supplements and hair shampoo that help my falling hair.
Still, I fought back. I clung to prayer, rebuking the lies of the enemy, reading God’s Word, and seeking the prayers of faithful friends and our pastor. Yet the battle was relentless—some days felt like an endless cycle of struggle.
No one, not even my friends, knew the depth of the darkness we were facing. They didn’t know about the suicidal thoughts that haunted us. It was terrifying and surreal to look back and realize how close we came to the edge. But even in the darkest moments, God’s light was still there, leading us forward, one step at a time.
I fought the fight of faith by seeking God, no matter how hard it was—even in moments when I felt angry with Him. That day, sitting in my car with the doors locked, I poured out my frustration, hurling His own promises back at Him. In that raw and desperate moment, something shifted—a chain broke.
The very next day, I noticed a change. My son and I stopped fighting and being angry with each other. Instead, I felt the joy and peace of God beginning to fill our hearts. From that point forward, things started to get better and better.
Since summer, we endured days filled with hostility, where emotions ran high between us. Yet, through it all, God has shown His ability to heal and restore. Sometimes, He calls us back to Himself, reminding us to cling to His promises and approach Him like children—honestly and boldly, bringing His promises before Him.
What God desires most is genuine devotion—a raw and heartfelt outpouring of our emotions. I was reminded of this during last Sunday’s service. Pastor Kevin’s message pierced my heart, echoing this very testimony. In the sermon, he talked about Moses, who, despite his doubts, answered God’s call to lead the Israelites to freedom from Egypt.
Fight Because God Is Able.
Life’s battles often feel overwhelming, leaving us drained and questioning if we can keep going. But as children of God, we are called to fight—not because we are strong, but because He is.
God’s Word is full of promises that remind us of His faithfulness and power. In our weakest moments, when the weight of despair presses down, we can cling to the truth that God is able. Able to restore. Able to heal. Able to bring peace where there is chaos and hope where there is none.
The fight of faith isn’t about denying our struggles or pretending everything is fine. It’s about being honest with God—bringing Him our raw emotions, our fears, and even our anger. Just like Moses, who felt inadequate to lead but trusted in God’s promise, we can step forward, knowing we are not alone.
When we fight through prayer, trust, and surrender, chains begin to break. Healing flows into broken places. And in time, we begin to see that what seemed impossible has been made possible by God’s grace.
So, keep fighting. Keep seeking Him. He is able, and He is with you every step of the way.
And I will leave you with this, “ Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12, NKJV
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21, NKJV.
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